Update

Man there’s so much God’s been doing in life. I’ve definitely been learning flexibility and prioritizing during these last few months. Amidst family adjustments, death, relationships, work…God still reigns supreme. During the time I’ve been working 3 jobs like a monkey to get rid of debt, I’ve decided to go into teaching and move the direction I’ve been wanting to go…a lifestyle that’s rewarding and frees up time for family! While I’ve been juggling, I’ve been presented with what I would call “Haters” at my office. That’s really the best word for the evil character they have many times. Sad. I read somewhere that 70% of discomfort with work comes – not from the pressures of the job – but the PEOPLE. So true. The Haters’ve been trying to drag me down but I’ve been a child of God for TOO LONG to not see that coming, right when things get difficult. I know who to look for. Am I right or am I right? So I’m trying to remember to pray for my co-workers and see myself as their blessing and a Christian example. Hope for salvation, not karma to come back around. =)
Shall I move on to the beautiful issue? I’M ENGAGED!!!!

So like me to not see a good thing coming! If only I had known there was such a fantastic man this entire year praying over ME, I would’ve saved so much sadness and depression looking God-ward instead of me-ward. Here I was preparing myself for the future I desired and hoped for, and it came in the most unexpected way. A Venezuelan with my dad’s nickname who works harder than ME and follows after what he desires including serving at his church…my Spanish ministry people at Berean! (It also included seeking after me – a very new concept I never really experienced in a relationship.) It’s really been sweet to be desired and I get a new glimpse of God every day. We’re also learning together that language is the LEAST to worry about when it comes to planning a wedding as we talk about growing together and raising a God-centered bilingual family – HOW COOL IS THAT?!
I could say a lot more, but I’m saving it for our website! What I will say is that, for those who don’t know Jesus, you need to know that He will never leave you and never forgets you. He created you for a purpose and that purpose never disappears no matter what’s happened in your life. The best things in life, and the worst, are merely reminders that this world has a Creator with love in mind. He truly saves us each day from the things that drag us down and – like the Bible says – came to save us once and for all from the evil that separated us from NOTHING-BUT-GOOD, Jesus Christ our Creator and Savior. I hope you take that to heart. If you want to know anything more, please just let me know! I’d love to share more about Him and what He’s done for my life.

Fears…and God

I had the craziest gripping fear 2 nights ago having spent the traditional time and money on my friend Blanca’s wedding. Being 2 1/2 months long in my own relationship – the longet I’ve ever gone! – I had certain understandable fear about moving forward and not making a “mistake.” Imagine, I just saw community and couple commit vows to God to stay together for the rest of their lives. The-rest-of-their-lives.
And when I say fear, I mean overwhelming. I fell on knees and elbows, I cried, I prayed, I fasted.
Because I remembered.
I remembered what it was like to be alone. To wake up in darkness. To breath cries all day. And I fear it – for myself, and for anyone close to me. And I fear mistakes. This coming from the adult who told her supervisor she skipped teaching a class one day for no reason. I don’t like being in the wrong, and especially not with my Creator.
I was worried that I was rushing and going too fast, then that I wasn’t being picky enough, then that the timing was off, that there was someone else, and finally, that my heart was deceiving me.
So I turned to the Psalms. Psalm 139. Please read.

Psalm 139
1O lord, thou hast searched me, and known me.
2Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off.
3Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways.
4For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether.
5Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me.
6Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it.
7Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence?
8If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.
9If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;
10Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.
11If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me.
12Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee.
13For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb.
14I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.
15My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.
17How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!
18If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.
19Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God: depart from me therefore, ye bloody men.
20For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain.
21Do not I hate them, O LORD, that hate thee? and am not I grieved with those that rise up against thee?
22I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies.
23Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:
24And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

While this may seem like a short lesson (I ended my fast by the end of the day, and had a strong conclusion that I believe was an answer from God)…I’d like to share. Something we know as believers is that no matter how gripping our fear, while our fear is misplaced, God does not leave us. He knows our hearts.
While I fasted, I had to trust that no matter how many Boundless articles I read, no matter how many couples I tried to compare myself to, or how many guys I “thought” could work, God knows my heart. Verse 16 admits that God saw our substance before we even were. He knew exactly how we would form, how we would grow, how we would wound. It continues on – not only did God “see” us, He “continued” to design every part of us, as if He had delight in seeing us as His creation…YET being unperfect.
Can you imagine? God went through the pain of making us, seeing us grow, seeing us fear, see us reach for Him YET being unperfect in our sins. So He went through the pain of death to save us. There’s nothing in the deepest recesses of my soul that God doesn’t know about me. I was made for His glory.
So, He doesn’t leave me hanging.
The whole day I was in a state of fear and was waiting to have “the conversation” that I needed to have. Can you imagine being on the receiving end of a call like that? What’s more, he sensed it from early in the day. I spoke with him. Told him I wanted to take things slower. Told him that I was scared. Told him what guys don’t like to hear.
And he told me. Told me of his day. Told me how he started with God, asked Him to provide him with strength to go forward. Told me how his supervisors have put an extremely difficult deadline in front of him that will no doubt put a heavy strain on things. And I could see it – the tiredness in his eyes. And then he told me – in secrert – how his boss came to him during lunch, sat in his car, rested, and fell apart in front of his eyes about his life and the difficulty at home. And he told me, in so many more beautiful words, how he took the opportunity, to lead his boss to Christ.
With a long day and obstacles that could have made that lunchtime opportunity invisible, he began his day with faith in God. When he got a call from me that seemed like it could be the end of our relationship, he stayed with God. And when he saw his boss unload about his own heartache and fears, he pressed on.
There was a Bible in my boyfriend’s car that was given to him as a gift – an English/Spanish translation. For some reason, he never got it dedicated – the pages and the inside were untouched. He used it very rarely. Until that day. When his boss sat in the seat, cried, and cried, and cried from fear, and he showed him the truth. His boss walked away with the Bible, and a faith in Christ as his savior, in whom there is no darkness. His boss spoke both languages =)
And I sat there, breaking my fast, thanking God for being unshaken and fearless when I am. What is there that my God doesn’t know? What fear is rightly founded in light of Christ who is the Light of the world? What piece of information in the corner of my soul does God not know about me? What future will unfold without Christ’s awareness and blessing if I hold fast to Him? Seriously.
Not only does He care for us, He is mighty to rescue us from our fears exactly when we need Him.
Amen.

Love the Right Way

Continuing on the same vein as Sunday’s sermon on becoming a family of commitment (Berean Baptist Church), this morning’s study from 1 Peter 1:22-25 dealt with being committed to loving the family of believers. The sermon I half listened to (I was trying to balance my budget at the same time…) brought up a question. If I’m with an un-believer and a believer, and something comes up that may offend one of them, do I risk offending the believer or the unbeliever? The answer was you risk offense to the unbeliever because we’re called to love our brothers and sisters in Christ just as Christ loved us. “By this will all men know” how great it is to be a part of the family of Christ. It was cool. We have a lot of heart issues that impede us from doing what we really need to be doing, I’ve been realizing it lately. I have to keep that love in my heart for my spiritual family when (many times) it’s easy to take them for granted just like I do my actual family. On top of that, I worry and I find myself like Martha, getting caught up and being distracted so that I miss things that should be clear: like my widow neighbor, my unsaved co-worker. Yikes. A committed Christian’s gotta get her focus clear. Love the right way, then do as you please.

Love from the Heart

Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart, since you have been born again, not of perishable seed but of imperishable, through the living and abiding word of God; for

“All flesh is like grass / and all its glory like the flower of grass. / The grass withers, / and the flower falls, / but the word of the Lord remains forever.”

And this word is the good news that was preached to you.

- Peter 1:22-25

Check out ‘His Love Stories’ @ Boundless!

Just finished reading a beautiful article by Elisabeth Adams on the Boundless webzine – love it! When you have time, you need to definitely check out “His Love Stories“. It’s so beautiful to see that God works and God loves and God moves His people together to understand how deep His love is for US through real flesh and blood intimate relationships. Why is this so cool? Oh, I’ll tell you why! He wrote His love story on my heart, too! Our God is amazing!

For more good reading: [Don't] Mind the Gap: Part 1 also at Boundless.

Happy Friday!

Cute! My sister gave me one almost like it for Christmas last year. Great words to live by as I sip my hot chocolate. Friday, thank you for coming.

‘Tis

You know, like it says at the end of the novel “Angela’s Ashes”? Have you read it? It’s a great story. It truly is. And it’s my title following the previous post: This Should Be Easy. I prayed and as God’s child, I have to come to the realization that for those saved by the grace of Jesus, life with Christ actually is very easy.

That doesn’t mean life is perfect, or that life does not include problems. In fact, the life of a believer demands sacrifice – Christ calls us to it, and it’s the mark of a saved life.

BUT at least I know what’s required of me. God has a way of making Himself omnipresent so that when I have doubt or doubt myself, He leaves no doubt in very visible ways – fancy that. What I’ve been realizing lately is how bruised we are as a culture in not being content. I’ve been reading Philippians 4 and 1 Peter as well to learn what it can really look like being content and how far away I am from that. It’s ridiculous! Unfortunately, I can’t see the forest for the trees: steady income from a not-so-perfect job, more family time from a financial crisis that ‘allows me’ to live at home, a time to grow at church from job opportunities that never flourished out of town…and on it goes. I have a way of not seeing the good in many things and it’s called discontent. It’s also sinful. 

I’d like to mention a very huge, personal way God is teaching me this lesson. If you don’t mind…

Now I’m not divulging too much information to say that I’m being “courted.” Heck, I’m pretty excited! But what did surprise me was my own anxiety. Being the person that I am who actually reads “The Guy’s Guide to Marrying Well” (before the Girl’s Guide came out) and shares the information willingly, it’s strange that I would exhibit precaution regarding entering a real relationship. Honestly. I read articles about raising children…I have no kids. You think I would have a problem being set up on a blind date? I would get mad b/c people weren’t setting me up and getting involved like I thought they should.

YET when reality actually came, I was slow to speak, slow to react. In very clear ways, this gentleman stated his interest and laid all his cards out on the table. Talk about jumping the gun. I thought, ‘Man I’ve never known someone who was so anxious to be in a different situation.’ Irony of ironies.  Well knowing someone’s intentions in your life makes things pretty clear-cut. There’s not much guessing who’s paying for your dinner and why. There’s no pressure wondering if he likes me or not. I’m not too worried looking for other girls behind him either. The strange thing is, as much of a blessing he’s been to me, discontent still crept in. I looked around. I questioned. I freaked out. I had to be reminded again and again of why someone would choose to stay and be content to walk with me and maybe even just stroll along real slowly. It wasn’t what I was used to at all.

I had a conversation with this ‘gentleman’ recently about my pace. He understands that I have to walk a snail’s pace (in fact he even explained the reason to me!). And it speaks volumes that he still calls, still wants to hang out…and pay. I can’t really get passed it to be honest! Because…while I haven’t had a difficult life by any means, I haven’t had anyone be content to choose to stay with me. I didn’t fully realize the weight of that until our conversation.

About two years ago I had – in the romantic fashion that moved me at the time – written a poem that carried a lot of weight with it that ended more or less with the words: “Be patient with me, I’ll be patient with you.” There was a lot of repetition, but it was basically a goodbye letter. It was more of a hope than anything else. And it didn’t work. I found out it takes more than poetry to move mountains! Before that, I had been pursued in college and had even been sought after once the guy had relocated, all to unfortunately pass through a point in time where he decided to change his religion. Gut-wrenching the love letters I would go back and read that he would send while he was away, planning to come back and start something real! And then fast forward to where I decide to change the game plan and do the pursuing…it’s a terrible idea and I’ve learned in so many ways.

Needless to say, I understand how life can come to a breaking point where we decide that the way things are, simply isn’t sufficient enough. And in relationships is really where it gets us the most.

So I come back to the conversation I had. While I’m a big talker, I fall horribly where it matters – and this gentleman is really good where I’m not. When I mumbled simply that it matters a lot to me that he tries to be patient with me, and that actions speak louder than words, he said that he would be blessed if we only arrived as far as this day, and nothing more. Can you imagine? What kind of contentment that is. I’ve never had that before. It’s risking a lot to say that what God has given me in this day is enough, and nothing more.

So I’m still slow to speak. For once! I’m slowing down b/c I’m being content where I am. I’m being allowed to be content, if that makes sense. And while I definitely don’t deserve all the time I’m taking to put out my fleece, I’m so appreciative of his stance, of his surety, of his faith in God and in the way things are in his life. It’s very biblical. I don’t have to rush. I don’t have to worry about what’s happening in life. He’s still going to hang around - as a friend or whatever. It’s an amazing example to me of the way Christ is to us. He’s always there – waiting – waiting for us to understand the joy in being content and confiding in Him. It’s an amazing example of the bond that exists between a man and a woman in marriage. There’s an abiding love there that grows contentment.

Hmm…wow. Jumping the gun a little there. Just a habit I’m trying to break.

This Should Be Easy

A piece of cake - all dandy and rosy

When the choice of high school came around for me in 8th grade, the Lord allowed me to be introduced to an amazing all-girls school that wouldn’t have even been an option if it weren’t for the Junior High I was attending. It never would have crossed my path. But girls came to my school one day, talked about this Duchesne Academy of the Sacred Heart, and painted a picture of Christian growth in an atmosphere of wise freedom. Eventually, I found myself and two other girls from school sitting with our Principal regarding an opportunity: we had been offered scholarships.

Several weeks later my parents and I visited Duchesne and thus continued my love for learning and study through commitment and responsibility. It was there in such a learning environment that I gained my confidence and a lot of other life-lessons God knew I had to learn. I’m so thankful.

When I was searching for a college, I knew God would make a way so that it was clear where I would end up. I had my heart in Texas, my mind on seeing snow, and my interest in being immersed in a Christian culture. Like a selfish date, I picked and tried them all, got to spend time at each of my universities, even check out the cafeterias and interesting groups to see if this would be The One to propel me into the rest of my life. After all the acceptance letters came in, God’s provision stopped short at my heart’s, Baylor University. I remember crying at school in the hallway just devastated at the fact that I hadn’t been thought worthy enough of the sufficient aid I needed to attend.

Days later, Trinity’s financial aid packet came in. God opened the door to four years of growth and learning in a beautiful city with so many amazing people from such different worlds that I will forever be grateful.

When guys eventually came into the picture, God had a way of using distance as a teaching tool. There was a gentleman I met in church one morning (like destiny!) who was from the army base. Not only did stars align, but my car ran out of gas after church just as he was walking by the gas station on his way home. He “allowed” me to pull him over and wait in the car as I pumped gas, while he could have easily made the distance home without my “help.” I remember it was an awesome day outside. Thus began a pretty cool time of seeing myself valued through a guys’ eyes. Unregrettable and lovely. So when months passed and God moved us apart, there were some more ways of growing. Distance and faith made life a little easier when his heart began to change and mine stayed. Our faiths were no longer consistent and the distance served as a literal breaking point. Things indeed fell into place, and eventually, I was grateful.

Praise God He knows His child and how to give me never more than I can handle because my heart thinks all too often that this should be easy. But I’m not promised a life of ease, or blinking arrows. Or no pain. Things fall into place, but my heart doesn’t always follow suit. The Bible reminds us in Jeremiah 17:9, “The heart is deceitful…who can know it?” Who can know it? Christ alone. 

So God works with me still. I’m not sure how much weight to put on this but in my morning study, I opened my Bible and it landed on the introduction to Hosea. Man. How prone we are to wander. Just as Hosea’s wife had a good thing in a secure love, we miss out. We turn the other way and take too long to be thankful. While, in every monumental life process – school, relationships, family – God proves to the faithful that He is with us, we wait and want our hearts to coincide when sometimes it’s been in the wrong place to begin with. 

My heart is in the wrong place this morning. It’s following a path that God has separated me from more than any physical distance. And I’m praying that He helps me during this time to return to Him, to let my heart line up with where He is. Like the opportunity He so graciously presented to Gomer, I pray that He helps me return to Him with a better promise than an easy life: a changed heart as a blessed, joyful child of God. I would be forever thankful.

Move!

Three different people have asked me this week how long I plan on working at my job. It’s been 3 months. Ouch? I guess that’s definitely a green light to move on! Here are some others…

1) Your main job is a skill you lack (remembering minute details and listening closely).

2) You learn more by reading a book than on-the-job experience.

3) There are bets on how long you’ll stay.

4) No one speaks of your predecessor.

Ah yes. After prayer, serious thought, patience, and parental opinions, I have the go-ahead. I’ve stayed long enough. It’s ok to move forward without the fear of seeming like a freebird (or whatever you’d call someone who goes where they feel the wind leads them.) Thank you, Lord.

Healer of Everything

Finished reading Philemon. Have you read it recently? It’s good. And short. And it’s even a rap song if you want to put a spin on your study: Take ‘Em Back by Dillon Chase. (Seriously!)

And what happens when the run-away slave, Onesimus is taken back by his former master? Does Philemon accept him? Free him? Accept him, yes. Free him? Philemon 1:16 indicates he is still to be used by Philemon ‘in the flesh’ although they are brothers in Christ. Philemon’s forgiveness didn’t shake the culture from slavery…but his call to follow Christ changed his household and community. Christ’s greater forgiveness of our sins ended slavery. It caused the downfall of the Roman world’s slave trade.

Think about that. The call to follow Christ has ended the social ill of slavery in nations. It brought freedom in its place. This is the culture change the Israelites were expecting in so many different ways than a baby in a manger. But He healed the world with His power. So if Christ can cure a culture of slavery indirectly, can He also cure other ills? Can He cure heartache, worldwide? Is it ok if I equate slavery with heartache for a second?

Because Christ didn’t fight heartache, just as He didn’t fight against slavery. He didn’t protest that. His followers weren’t advocating happiness all the time…Jesus’ mission was to save us from sin. The social justice was an effect. But He called us to a life of slavery to Him - ”servants” to Christ, “prisoners” even.  We’re to carry the cross and follow Him.

So hang on. If Christ calls us to a life of slavery, can I say then, that Christ calls us to a life of heartache too? Do I find joy and peace in it, like the sermon on the mount mentions? Do I find hope through patience, even though it’s so opposite to even consider? Is there love found through heartache just like freedom is found through slavery? God help me, because I’m understanding so!

I woke up this morning knowing God has healed my life – not in part, but the whole. So if that God who has healed me, wholly and completely, can change 1 cultural ill, He is the God who can heal EVERYTHING. He is the God who makes all pain, shame, suffering, and defeats turn to glory.

If you’re reading this and finding hope in the message, Christ is calling. He’s the only 1 who brings us LIFE through DEATH and wants you to know how sweet life with Him truly is.

Are you smarter than a Christian?

In general, the more I seek Truth, the more I know of it. If a person were to look for Love, and find it, he would become very acquainted with how it works, how it’s best given away, how it’s hard sometimes to forgive, but worth more because of the sacrifice. If I were to meet my Creator and talk with Him daily, I would gain an understanding of life that would allow me to avoid some of the stupid things of the world and – in essence – be a little smarter because of it.

I would be less the fool and more the wiser simply because I’m trying to learn. It’s just a cause and effect of growing in knowledge. So think, if a person devotes their life to their Creator, Christ Himself, at an early age and chooses to follow Him, how much more the wiser will he/she become in life? How much more will their life example the love Christ offers us and how much more worthwhile it is to follow Christ than to follow whatever else there is?

Smarter in all things? No. But a fine specimen of a human being, yes. God-breathed flesh and blood made for the purpose of giving glory to its Creator. There’s no way the Creator’s NOT going to glory that human being. He’s going to love her as His own, let her see why she was made, let her know His ways are mighter, and give her the strength to make it through and the tools to succeed. She will not fail as long as she stays with Him. Enemies will not prosper, situations will turn around. Anger will fade, forgiveness will rule, and God will get the glory in her life.

How is it so? It has to happen that Christ’s child prospers. It’s destiny! And not just prosperity by any man’s standards. It’s biblical: so that “the communication of thy faith may become effectual by the acknowledging of every good thing which is in you in Christ Jesus.” Five words: for the sake of Christ.

Philemon 1:6

Be blessed.