You know, like it says at the end of the novel “Angela’s Ashes”? Have you read it? It’s a great story. It truly is. And it’s my title following the previous post: This Should Be Easy. I prayed and as God’s child, I have to come to the realization that for those saved by the grace of Jesus, life with Christ actually is very easy.
That doesn’t mean life is perfect, or that life does not include problems. In fact, the life of a believer demands sacrifice – Christ calls us to it, and it’s the mark of a saved life.
BUT at least I know what’s required of me. God has a way of making Himself omnipresent so that when I have doubt or doubt myself, He leaves no doubt in very visible ways – fancy that. What I’ve been realizing lately is how bruised we are as a culture in not being content. I’ve been reading Philippians 4 and 1 Peter as well to learn what it can really look like being content and how far away I am from that. It’s ridiculous! Unfortunately, I can’t see the forest for the trees: steady income from a not-so-perfect job, more family time from a financial crisis that ‘allows me’ to live at home, a time to grow at church from job opportunities that never flourished out of town…and on it goes. I have a way of not seeing the good in many things and it’s called discontent. It’s also sinful.
I’d like to mention a very huge, personal way God is teaching me this lesson. If you don’t mind…
Now I’m not divulging too much information to say that I’m being “courted.” 
Heck, I’m pretty excited! But what did surprise me was my own anxiety. Being the person that I am who actually reads “The Guy’s Guide to Marrying Well” (before the Girl’s Guide came out) and shares the information willingly, it’s strange that I would exhibit precaution regarding entering a real relationship. Honestly. I read articles about raising children…I have no kids. You think I would have a problem being set up on a blind date? I would get mad b/c people weren’t setting me up and getting involved like I thought they should.
YET when reality actually came, I was slow to speak, slow to react. In very clear ways, this gentleman stated his interest and laid all his cards out on the table. Talk about jumping the gun. I thought, ‘Man I’ve never known someone who was so anxious to be in a different situation.’ Irony of ironies. Well knowing someone’s intentions in your life makes things pretty clear-cut. There’s not much guessing who’s paying for your dinner and why. There’s no pressure wondering if he likes me or not. I’m not too worried looking for other girls behind him either. The strange thing is, as much of a blessing he’s been to me, discontent still crept in. I looked around. I questioned. I freaked out. I had to be reminded again and again of why someone would choose to stay and be content to walk with me and maybe even just stroll along real slowly. It wasn’t what I was used to at all.
I had a conversation with this ‘gentleman’ recently about my pace. He understands that I have to walk a snail’s pace (in fact he even explained the reason to me!). And it speaks volumes that he still calls, still wants to hang out…and pay. I can’t really get passed it to be honest! Because…while I haven’t had a difficult life by any means, I haven’t had anyone be content to choose to stay with me. I didn’t fully realize the weight of that until our conversation.
About two years ago I had – in the romantic fashion that moved me at the time – written a poem that carried a lot of weight with it that ended more or less with the words: “Be patient with me, I’ll be patient with you.” There was a lot of repetition, but it was basically a goodbye letter. It was more of a hope than anything else. And it didn’t work. I found out it takes more than poetry to move mountains! Before that, I had been pursued in college and had even been sought after once the guy had relocated, all to unfortunately pass through a point in time where he decided to change his religion. Gut-wrenching the love letters I would go back and read that he would send while he was away, planning to come back and start something real! And then fast forward to where I decide to change the game plan and do the pursuing…it’s a terrible idea and I’ve learned in so many ways.
Needless to say, I understand how life can come to a breaking point where we decide that the way things are, simply isn’t sufficient enough. And in relationships is really where it gets us the most.
So I come back to the conversation I had. While I’m a big talker, I fall horribly where it matters – and this gentleman is really good where I’m not. When I mumbled simply that it matters a lot to me that he tries to be patient with me, and that actions speak louder than words, he said that he would be blessed if we only arrived as far as this day, and nothing more. Can you imagine? What kind of contentment that is. I’ve never had that before. It’s risking a lot to say that what God has given me in this day is enough, and nothing more.
So I’m still slow to speak. For once! I’m slowing down b/c I’m being content where I am. I’m being allowed to be content, if that makes sense. And while I definitely don’t deserve all the time I’m taking to put out my fleece, I’m so appreciative of his stance, of his surety, of his faith in God and in the way things are in his life. It’s very biblical. I don’t have to rush. I don’t have to worry about what’s happening in life. He’s still going to hang around - as a friend or whatever. It’s an amazing example to me of the way Christ is to us. He’s always there – waiting – waiting for us to understand the joy in being content and confiding in Him. It’s an amazing example of the bond that exists between a man and a woman in marriage. There’s an abiding love there that grows contentment.
Hmm…wow. Jumping the gun a little there. Just a habit I’m trying to break.
